Surrender

Why is that such a huge huge thing? To surrender?

Rich asked me last night how I was feeling about being quiver full. About opening our lives to all of the children that God has planned for us? Why does he always ask that after a super duper long week or 5 minutes after I have just given birth or when 4 out of 5 children are sick with runny noses and fevers? Do I want more babies after having 5 babies in 5 years? UM, dare I say, not really. I feel so unequipped. I feel so overwhelmed. I feel so tired, so defeated. But, in the same breath, I look at the most beautiful children in the world and I wonder how I could ever ever say no. Deny blessings from above? Have Rich doubt because the mother of his children doubts that our convictions are true and genuine?

It has been amazing watching Rich's heart transform to God's will for our family. His obedience to a concept ( having a quiver full mindset) that was so foreign to both of us less than 4 years ago is nothing short of miraculous. So why is it that after endless prayers for mine and Rich's hearts to be lined up regarding this issue am I so struggling? Is it an attack of the enemy? Well, sure it is. SO, now what? Well, drawing closer to the Maker of my babies and the Protector of my womb. To REST knowing that my Savior will never give me more (yes, even itsy, bitsy, tiny babies) than I am capable of handling IN HIM. That is the key. Remembering that I/We are not meant to be handling this alone. This is all a supernatural thing accomplished only through a Super Savior's Grace. Accomplished only when we truly SURRENDER. Refine me with fire, my dear sweet Savior and please, please stay close by.
Love,
A pregnant, nursing emotional mama of 4 sick babies and 1 healthy, challenging 10 year old